Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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