i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
