So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
