we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
