Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
