chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize