called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
