And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
