I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
