Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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