loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it because I queefed?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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