honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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