You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
