Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
