we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
