so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
