im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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