After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
