My liver just broke up with me...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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