u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
