well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
