My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
