do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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