I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
