I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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