I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
