Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
