i wish peter jackson would direct porn
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
