between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
