absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
