I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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