you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
