I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
