I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Randomize
