Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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