moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
