I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
