but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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