Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
