man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
