Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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