You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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