I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
