does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
