I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize