I just saw a hot homeless man
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
