we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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