took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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