I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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