I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
