Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
