So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
