All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it hurts more in the daytime
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
