I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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