I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
