Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
