Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
