Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
