All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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