I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
