He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
