shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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