White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
