Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
