I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize