we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
