so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
