Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
