At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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