Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The air taste purple.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
