She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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