kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
