I want to have your abortion
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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